This past year I lost my mom to lung cancer and it still hurts so much every day. I miss having her call me every day. I miss our trips going bargain hunting at the thrift store. I miss her telling me how proud she is to call me her son. I miss the long conversations we had and the minutes of silence we shared in each other’s company.
It was so much different when my dad died. I didn’t have a faith to cling to. Actually it was my dad’s death that had me reach out for faith. The sad thing though, since my mother’s passing, I haven’t heard from any of my family except for my brother and his family. I have rarely heard anything from my friends. I have held dearly to the friendship I have in Christ who is my beloved and have approached his throne of grace and allowed him to just cradle me in his arms asking Him several times when he will take this pain away, asking him where is my comfort. He continues to sit on His throne silently and hold me. Sometimes we just have to walk through the storm knowing He is just there and cling to Jesus who is our hope and anchor for our soul. Knowing that he is completing a good work in us and Him to purify us through the fire. Whatever the good work is. Maybe it’s just resting in the shadow of the almighty, learning perseverance. Maybe it’s just being unashamed in being fully exposed before His presence and learning totally surrender, learning obedience by what we suffer, learning to say that with not just our mind but, with our heart “Not my will but, yours be done Lord”.